Things You Never Want to Hear Your Mother Say

“Shemar Moore? I wouldn’t mind finding his slippers under my bed.”

Parents

They sure have a distinct way of making you feel like a complete and utter failure and completely incapable of living to their expectations without saying it, don’t they? Even when they’re right, they sure do make you feel like shit.

Vive La France!

I Get Really Confused Really Easily

At work I wear an apron and a nametag. Sometimes when customers thank me, they thank me by name, and I get really confused. I wonder how they know my name. Do I know them from elsewhere?

Then I realize I’m wearing a nametag and feel really stupid.

A Book That Was Left in the Cafe

I’m not going to say anything more than the title…

“HELP! There’s a Liberal under my bed!”

I Love My Country

I was talking to a friend of mine today about the government and the media and how they seem to walk hand in hand. “In case you couldn’t tell,” he said “I hate this country.”

I hate it, absolutely hate it, when people say they hate this country. In my view, there are three values that I live by in my political beliefs. First – It is absolutely fine to hate your government. I have no problem with that. Hating governments has been the foundation of modern history. Second – It is not okay to hate your troops. Third – It is NEVER okay to hate your country.

The United States of America is a beautiful country. I have been lucky enough to travel the entire East Coast, all of New England, and some of California. And it’s a breathtakingingly beautiful country. The color of the leaves changing in Vermont in Autumn, or the perfect blue of the Pacific Ocean washing against the beach in Monterey, California. Or the mountains in Utah! Knee deep in powdery snow in 60 degree weather. It’s unbelievable.

Furthermore, America is not full of idiotic or inbred people. Of course there are a few idiot, but in my life I have been fortunate enough to meet some very wonderful people. Life-changing people. And if I’ve met, say, ten life-changing, how many life-changing people must there be in this country? I mean think about that magnitude.

You cannot hate your country because the land on which you stand has done nothing to you. The people that live on this land are mostly truely great people. Every single one of them has something inside of them that makes them truely great.

And you can’t hate that, you just can’t.

This land is your land, this land is my land from the Redwood Forest to the New York Island

For Those Who Need a Break from My Sarcasm

Following in the lead of a friend of mine, I’ve decided to start a private blog. I really need a break from my public blog, which I will occasionally upkeep. It’s just hard to be my witty self when I can’t blog about my life and my work. So, I’m taking a break. Only people that request to read it will be allowed to read it, and I allow at my discretion. I have a lot I need to get off my chest about life, work, my health, etc. And with all the support I’ve gotten on the few blog posts I’ve written about my personal life, I think it’s high time for me to start a personal blog.

I’ll update you when it’s ready.

Edit: Alright, I’ve set up the new blog. In order to read my new blog, you have to be a wordpress member, with a wordpress ID. (Which is really easy to set up.) Also, you’ll have to ask me permission, so tell me your username on WordPress and I’ll let you in. I figure that basically, all the people that would want to read my personal blog have my screen name, so just IM me with your ID and I’ll add you! (If you don’t have my screen name, just leave it in a comment, but I can’t promise you I’ll let you read it.)

More Tales of Cafe Calamity

Today there was a special event in the cafe, and a woman, her keyboard, her guitar, and some random guy beating an African drum performed. In my humble opinion, they were too loud, and weren’t very special.

Then, one of my favorite people in the world stepped into the cafe. My old french teacher! (Whom I call Madame.) She stopped to chat, and in her perfect French accent asked me, “Do you like the woman singing?”
“Honestly?” I replied, “Not really.”
“Well you should tell her that!” Madame replied, “Because I think she stinks!”
“I can’t tell her that, Madame, but you should. Tell her in French. Insults sound better in French.”
She smiled and a customer came and she said goodbye and left.
I love Madame.

Today, a returning male customer came in. “I recognize you,” I said “You’ve been here before.” He acknowledged that he had and asked me if he remembered what he ordered. I confessed I had not and we started a conversation. And then I realized that I was hitting on him. As I was working with my boss behind the counter, I said, “Uh, I think I just accidentally hit on him.” She replied, “That’s totally okay, its being friendly with the customers.”

That’s right, I have full permission to shamelessly flirt with cute customers.

My Future Husband

And star of the AMAZING new movie, Amazing Grace, Ioan Gruffudd.

Did I mention he’s British? And he starred in the Horatio Hornblower series on A&E. And I must say, I’m a big fan of A&E series.

Ask me how many times I’ve watched the 6 hour Pride & Prejudice. Go ahead, ask me.
Alright I’ll tell you. Over 4 full days of my life have been spent watching Pride & Prejudice. Horatio Hornblower and Mr. Darcy are dreamboats.

Edit: I keep looking at this post because that picture makes me giddy with girlish delight. And I have to tell you, my mother gets pretty giddy with girlish delight at Ioan, too. So it’s not just me. Can we all just lay our cheeks on our hands and sigh lovingly? Because I sure am.

Double Edit: For your viewing pleasure…

I’ve decided to give you all, my dear dear readers, a daily dose of Ioan. Starting today. Every day. Ioan Ioan Ioan. I just want to look at him all day.

Starbucks Preachers

My mother treated me to some coffee at Starbucks this afternoon before we went to see a movie. As I was enjoying my chai latte, I noticed the little quotation that hangs out on the side of the cup. It was a quote by the vice president of something or other of the Orlando Magic, speaking about being a servant leader, a servant to the needs of others. I read it aloud to my mother, saying, “That seems kind of ridiculous.”

“It’s not!” a voice chimed in from across the outdoor tables. I looked up. “It’s true,” a small woman with cropped black hair and a Burberry jacket called to us. “I humbled myself to the Lord many times and he has always exalted me.” I nodded. “Everytime I praised myself the Lord only brought me down.” But she wouldn’t stop talking. She went on for at least 5 minutes, detailing experiences and examples of her humbleness. I couldn’t shake her. And seeing as I’m not one to say “Shut up, lady!”, I was in a pickle.

I looked at my mother to see her smirking. She adamantly refused to make eye contact with me. What is it about me that attracts all the crazies?

After she continued on her holy way and left us alone, I got to thinking. The first thought that came through my mind was I need to blog this. The second thought was the Lord exaltedher? Let’s take a look at what the word exalted means, courtsey of the Merriam-Webster dictionary.

Main Entry: ex·alt
Pronunciation: ig-’zolt
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin exaltare, from ex- + altus high — more at OLD
transitive verb
1 : to raise in rank, power, or character
2 : to elevate by praise or in estimation : GLORIFY
3 obsolete : ELATE
4 : to raise high : ELEVATE
5 : to enhance the activity of : INTENSIFY

So this got me to thinking even more. She honestly believe that God glorifies her? Doesn’t that go a bit against the mold? And by against the mold I mean COMPLETELY OPPOSITE? I confess that I’m not much of a religious person, but I pray in synagogue, and I exalt God with my prayers.

But I’d only expect God to exalt me if I, you know, brought Jesus back or caused world peace, stopped global warming, and stopped terrorism all at the same time. And c’mon, I may be determined but even I can’t deal with terrorism and world peace at the same time.

So by sitting in the back row instead of fighting for a front seat, the Starbucks Preacher Lady believes that God glorified her. Elevated her on high. Intesified her glory. Surrounded her with a halo of white light and a heavely chorus?

Someone has some serious delusional issues.

Edit: My mom says Al Gore can do three of the four exaltation worthy things, so I guess he’s to be exalted.