Well, beloved readers, I have returned from my painfully long winter break, (where I quickly ran out of things about which to write) to the good old state of Pennsylvania which is a veritable cornicopia of people to mock. So why deny myself what I do best? So last night, as I mentioned in my previous post, I made a list of things to mock. Let’s begin, shall we?
1. The music in Amy’s Thai – For our last dinner together, my mother and I went to a restaurant on the main street called Amy’s Thai, a quaint little eatery with overly flowerly decor and non-Asian waiters. As we sat, staring blankly at eachother, overcome by the sheer size of the flowers on the wallpaper, my ears picked up a familiar tune. Hotel California (originally by the Eagles for all of you who don’t respect yourselfs enough to know good music), was audible. But I was thrown off slightly, last time I’d checked (which believe me, was recently) there was no use of a small sharp sounding string instrument in Hotel California. I’m all for the playing of excellent music in restaurants, but if you’re going to destroy it, I’d prefer dead silence. Or the track of birds singing in the forest that was played after Hotel California.
2. Wal-Mart: South Central PA Style – Loathe though I am to admit that I shop at Wal-Mart, in my defense, there is nowhere else to shop in my “might as well be Bible belt” area of Pennyslvania. And so, my mother and I ventured to the Super Center (larger than the college cafeteria). I could mock so much about this place, but I’ve selected one item. As we walked out of the car, I noticed a mother hurrying her twin sons, who couldn’t have been more than nine years old to the entrance of the store. These lovely cherubs were wearing, I kid you not, matching hunting jackets, hats, and pants. Now, for my own conscience I assumed they were imitating Daddy in his hunting gear, but I have a startling suspicion that Daddy might be using these kids for target practice in the woods. Hey, it’s Pennyslvania.
3. Dust and Dust Bunnies and Dust Mammoths – Upon my return to my dorm room, my roomate and I re arranged our room for the first time since we arrived at school. I moved my bed from one wall to another. Did you know that it is actually possible to accumulate dust bunnies over 4 inches wide? No? I didn’t either. Did you know it’s also possible to lose over 5 dollars in change beneath your printer alone? These are all very important things that every college student should learn. I hope you took notes.
