I wish Global Warming was a Vampire, so I could stab it viciously in the heart with a stake. Part Deux.

I know I promised to think positively, but after today’s little encounter with Mount Snow, I will show Global Warming the meaning of hell hath no fury.

It’s December Freakin’ 24th.  There are roughly 6 trails open on the entire mountain. Those trails that are open are littered with ice and rocks and leaves and ice and ice and ice. And downed beginners. (Which, I have to admit, always makes my cynical sadistic side laugh.) But like I was saying, this is unacceptable. Where are my flurries? Where are my blizzards? Where is that old moose that lives on the mountain? Where is the powder that blows up a like a cloud when you land in it? Where are the sexy boys in baggy snowboarding pants? Where are the moguls? Where is the sharp snow that stings your face when the wind blows? Where is my left sock? Entirely unrelated, but if anyone has seen it, will you let me know?

The point being, when its 45 degrees out on the base of the mountain, I don’t get that deliciously sharp feeling of breathing cold mountain air. That feeling that says more clearly than anything else in the world, I am Winter, the harbinger of all things snowsports related, and I am here to make you the happiest little girl in the world. (And I use little in terms of my stature, not in terms of my age.) I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – snowboarding keeps me sane. I don’t know how to describe it, but everything calms down and starts to make sense when I’m carving down the mountain. I just feel right.

I’m very annoyed that people of prior generations did not take me into consideration when they decided to use aerosol spray cans for their updos. I mean seriously – I blame the 80s, specifically the hair bands, for the hole in the ozone layer. And the music wasn’t even that good! Was it even worth it? Was it? HMM?

No? I didn’t think so. So everyone who used hairspray in excess in prior years, I demand an apology. I also wouldn’t say no to a 100 dollar bill to ease my pain and suffering.

Over the summer, my parents spent their hard earned money to get the deep gouges in the base of my board repaired. I do not think they will be happy to learn that I probably redid the damage in one day of snowboarding. I mean, someone needs to tell those rocks to get out of my way.

In the words of a family patriarch who will remain unnamed in preservation of his dignity. (Or whatever he has left of it.)

“We’re fucked.”

But I suppose I’ll get off my prickly thorn bush chair and acknowledge the good in the situation.

I’m in Vermont!  With my family! And there’s always the possibility of snow in the future!

If any of you find this post random, disturbing, or anything unpleasant blame The Chronic Curmudgeon. He told me to write about whatever I felt like and DAMMIT I feel random and spontaneous.

Granted, if there isn’t any snow, I’m doomed to paint the walls of the apartment blue for all eternity, and blue isn’t my favorite color…

But positivity! Think positive! (Cue the tune for The Kinks – Think Visual).

Speaking of music, did I mention that I got the Doors box set Perception for Chanukah? Meaning yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am the proud owner of EVER single song EVER recorded by the Doors. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Also, I’d like to take a moment to declare glory of Spandex pants. In rifling through my drawers packing for Vermont, I found my spandex leggings from my days as a county class sprinter. *cough cough* freshman year in high school *cough cough*. And being the lovely things that they are, they still fit! And they’re warm! And they’re comfy! And I encourage anyone who feels comfortable in leggings to wear them!

Also, while we’re talking about nice clothes. Let’s give a cheer for socks! Do you ever really think about your socks? They keep your toesies warm, they protect your shoe from any immediate stink, and they prevent that gross skin peel on the back of your heel when you’re wearing in new shoes. I really don’t think anyone gives socks enough credit. Does anyone give a second thought when they disappear in the washing machine? I think we need to start giving a damn about our socks. They deserve it. They should be searched for when they get lost in what my dad calls the HoseZone.

What else is there for me to nonsensically ramble about?

We have a floppy stuffed moose that lives on the top of the couch in front of our window here in Vermont. Somehow, that moose always ends up on the top of my mother’s head. And the interesting thing is, though she never puts it there herself, my mother (the paragon of dignity and class) always takes a while to remove said moose from her noggin. Which is humorous, to say the least.

I don’t really have anything else interesting to say…

Did you miss me?

I wish Global Warming was a Vampire, so I could viciously stab it in the heart with a stake.

The reason for such anger?

I’m in Vermont, on December 23rd, 2006. It’s is 9:19 pm. It is 38 degrees farenheit.

There are 24 trails open, completely reliant on man made snow.

This is beyond dissapointing. This is a letdown by the weather gods.

There once was a Calvin & Hobbes comic like this. Calvin wanted it to snow, so he lay on his sled and demanded that the snow gods send snow. At the time I read it, I thought he was crazy.

Now, I say, let’s grab our snowboards and lie on them outside until it snows.

Back to the Present, Which is Like the Movie, but without Michael J. Fox. Bummer. I like Michael J. Fox

Hi, everyone.

I hope I can keep you mildly entertained, without the Delorean, Christopher Lloyd, and the original McDreamy – Michael J. Fox.

I guess I’ll start by filling you in. My hero has been giving me sheer hell for not posting, so here’s my shoddy attempt to make it up to you.

First, I’ll quote my Dad.

The Scene: The Dinner Table
The Background Info: The new candles I bought for my room.
“Sarah, not that I would know from experience. But your room smells like a cheap hooker.”

Now, I’ll tell you all what’s going on. The reason for my lack of posting is plain and simple. I’ve been really sick. I withdrew from college (which completely broke my heart), and did a stint in a nearby hospital (which did a lot of good). It’s been over a month and half since I withdrew, and the doctors still aren’t entirely sure about the diagnosis. There was a diagnosis, originally. But it became apparent that my symptoms varied from the norm, and that there may have been something foul afoot. The past month and half has been complete hell, with different and powerful medications, that all affect me differently, and disturb different areas of my life. I’ve been having horrificly gruesome and disturbing nightmares on a near nightly basis, each nightmare becoming the worst nightmare I’ve had in my life.  The only explanation for the nightmares is the mix of medications that I’m on, but that cocktail cannot be changed until there is a certain diagnosis.

To be perfectly frank, my entire life turned upside down, and I’m still grappling with how exactly to handle that. I’m 19 years old, and I’ve never been so scared or uncertain of anything. Luckily, my parents and friends have rallied behind me in multitudes that I never could have expected, and that makes all the difference. I’m seeing the best doctors I can, and slowly working to going back to school. I signed up for a course in Journalism at the local community college, and I’m looking for a part-time job.

I’ll start blogging again, but I can’t promise anything half as exciting or dreamy as Michael J. Fox or my past posts. But bear with me, I’m trying my hardest.