Things You Never Want to Hear Your Mother Say

“Shemar Moore? I wouldn’t mind finding his slippers under my bed.”

Parents

They sure have a distinct way of making you feel like a complete and utter failure and completely incapable of living to their expectations without saying it, don’t they? Even when they’re right, they sure do make you feel like shit.

Vive La France!

I Get Really Confused Really Easily

At work I wear an apron and a nametag. Sometimes when customers thank me, they thank me by name, and I get really confused. I wonder how they know my name. Do I know them from elsewhere?

Then I realize I’m wearing a nametag and feel really stupid.

A Book That Was Left in the Cafe

I’m not going to say anything more than the title…

“HELP! There’s a Liberal under my bed!”

I Love My Country

I was talking to a friend of mine today about the government and the media and how they seem to walk hand in hand. “In case you couldn’t tell,” he said “I hate this country.”

I hate it, absolutely hate it, when people say they hate this country. In my view, there are three values that I live by in my political beliefs. First – It is absolutely fine to hate your government. I have no problem with that. Hating governments has been the foundation of modern history. Second – It is not okay to hate your troops. Third – It is NEVER okay to hate your country.

The United States of America is a beautiful country. I have been lucky enough to travel the entire East Coast, all of New England, and some of California. And it’s a breathtakingingly beautiful country. The color of the leaves changing in Vermont in Autumn, or the perfect blue of the Pacific Ocean washing against the beach in Monterey, California. Or the mountains in Utah! Knee deep in powdery snow in 60 degree weather. It’s unbelievable.

Furthermore, America is not full of idiotic or inbred people. Of course there are a few idiot, but in my life I have been fortunate enough to meet some very wonderful people. Life-changing people. And if I’ve met, say, ten life-changing, how many life-changing people must there be in this country? I mean think about that magnitude.

You cannot hate your country because the land on which you stand has done nothing to you. The people that live on this land are mostly truely great people. Every single one of them has something inside of them that makes them truely great.

And you can’t hate that, you just can’t.

This land is your land, this land is my land from the Redwood Forest to the New York Island